Signs

Okay, so we are still here. We are okay. We are just so sad, because her presence is so truly missed. The house is so quiet. Since she died we really haven't spent much time at home. It's not that Baylor was a loud dog, on the contrary she was quite the lady. But Chris and I were "loud" with her around. We were always talking to her, about her, even for her. So the house is certainly quiet, it almost echoes. And I find myself constantly looking for her, waiting for her. Yet some moments I am overcome with a such a sense of peace and comfort. I believe that God gives us many signs, whether or not we see them, well, that is entirely up to us. But this past week God has blatantly showed His love for us and for our dog. As I was driving down the expressway the other day, with the sun glaring in my eyes, I passed a truck with Baylor Trucking on the side. I had to slow down to make sure I wasn't imagining it. Sure enough, in green and gold was that truck. March Madness is upon us, and for the first time in 51 years, Baylor University won a post season game in men's basketball, and they continue to win...Go Bears. People at work have come up to me, people I didn't even realize knew that we had a dog and have offered their sympathy and shared stories of their loved furry friends. And then amazingly enough, a family that I take care of in the hospital, (they have two lovely premature girls) has been praying for us. As if they don't have enough going on in their lives, they have still acknowledged our loss and we certainly feel their prayers. Thank you Gibbs! I am certainly not saying that I don't miss her every minute, but I still believe that God is good. He gave us the joy of Baylor's life and the grace to mourn her death. And good family and friends through it all.

Bless the Bear

So last night, Chris and I put Baylor to sleep. It was time. She could no longer walk up or down the stairs. She didn't want to eat. And she didn't want to be touched anymore. If I went to pet her beautiful black mane, she would yelp in pain. All weekend she began to deteriorate. All weekend long, we prayed. And truly I could not watch her suffer one minute longer. She never asked for surgery to extend her life, that was our request, and valiantly she rose to the challenge. Monday night I couldn't sleep, and every time I opened my eyes, I looked right into her beautiful clear and wise brown eyes. She was ready. She was tired. And so we made the decision to put her to sleep. And there may be many hardships that await me in my life, but never will I be faced with the agony of saying goodbye to my best friend. Baylor was more than a dog, you see, she was my best friend. She was my confidante and my guardian. She would walk into a burning building to save my life. She saved me from myself. And yes, I needed saving. Baylor taught me compassion, patience, humility, fragility, spontaneity, and love. If I can accomplish half of what she was able to do in her twelve years, I will live a worthy and decent life. We were with her when she passed, and I told her "wait for me, wait for us..." And honestly I believe that she is up in heaven, with no pain and running free. You see, Baylor held on until I was ready to say goodbye. To let go. For after she passed, the vet called Chris into the room and since Baylor had finally relaxed he was able to feel her belly, the tumor was larger than a watermelon and occupied her entire abdomen. Can you even imagine the pain? Can you imagine the selflessness of that animal to hold on for her mommy? After she passed, I struggled with whether or not I would see her again. When I went to heaven, would her kind beautiful eyes be there to greet me? I needed to know. I needed to know that my beautiful Baylor Bear would be waiting for me. And so this morning when we got up, our neighbor Earl had slipped a note under our door. "The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. The cow and the bear shall graze, their you shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. The nursing child shall put its hand on the adder's den. They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain; for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. (Isaiah 11:6-9) So now I know that when I die, my beautiful Bear will be waiting for me. These past couple of days have been hard, but this I know to be true. I am loved by many. By my parents, my sister, my friends, my coworkers, and certainly my husband. Maybe that was Baylor's last gift, to make me realize the power of love. Which is no more evident than in the eyes of my husband. Chris, you are truly the love of my life, and the love that you have given me over the past two days will sustain me for a lifetime. You are a good man, and I am blessed to be called your wife. So as I sign off tonight, with tears streaming down my face, remember your blessings, whether
large or small. And as always, Bless the Bear....

I love this dog!

We have good days and bad days with Baylor. She has cancer. I know that I won't have her for much longer. The mere thought of that overwhelms me at times. For 12 years she has been my confidante, my best friend. I know to others, especially those that don't have animals, this might sound a bit crazy, but I feel that when she looks at me with her lovely brown eyes, that she can see directly into my soul. She has made me a better person, and I hope that in return, I have given her a good and worthy life. She is the great gray Baylor Bear and I love her, as I will always love her.

Thursday Night Mexican

So every Thursday night, a group of us goes out for Mexican. It's just a fun way to spend time together and catch up on each others lives and what has happened through the week. We always have seating arrangements, the boys are at one end talking about golf or the economy and the girls are at the other end talking (gossiping) of far more important things. And of course there are plenty of margaritas to go around.

Mom's Birthday

Tonight we celebrated my grandmother's 84th Birthday! She got to choose the restaurant, and it was none other than Bob Evan's. We managed to squeeze twenty people around a very small table. It was absolute chaos, but that's family. And we are blessed.