Christmas

I can't believe that it is Christmas once again. It seems like only last week that we were celebrating Christmas down in Florida. And yet, in the span of only one single year, so much has changed in our lives. This certainly isn't what I had planned for or hoped for. This is the first Christmas in my adult life that I will not have my Baylor beside me. She loved Christmas. Certainly those of you that don't have animals may scoff at the notion that a dog loved the festivities of this holiday, but then again, you didn't know my dog. I bought her holiday collars and hats, holiday leashes and bones. She never left the house unadorned. I took her to see Santa every single year, much to the dismay of Santa. And yet it is not simply those times wrapped in celebration that I miss so much, it is the fact that she is not beside me when I lay my head down at night. It is her companionship and loyalty that I continue to long for. And of course, this Christmas, I thought that I would barely be able to open presents, for my belly would get in the way. I was supposed to be over seven months pregnant. I was supposed to be able to feel her kicking me, warming me up from the inside. I was supposed to have packages to open intended for her impeding arrival. I was supposed to kiss my husband under the mistletoe with his hand over my belly, dreaming of all that our future held with the promise of a little girl. So certainly this Christmas is not what we had hoped for. There are times when I find it difficult to be happy for others, or celebrating the spirit of the season. For where is my spirit? At times I think it died along with my baby. But I continue to get up and out of bed. I continue to go through the motions of the day, knowing that one day, my heart will heal.
Yesterday was a very hard day. We celebrated Christmas with my family. I was dreading the entire day. So hesitant to go and celebrate and participate in the festivities when my heart was so dark. Yet as soon as I walked in I felt almost enveloped in a circle of love. So many people coming up to me, hugging me, listening to me, praying for me. And I realized that even though there are times that I think that I am alone, I am not. And just when I think that everybody has forgotten her, they have not. You see, I received two ornaments this year. Both were angels, in memory of ours. And though she is not here with us, the fact that she is not forgotten, made me smile and be able to say, "Merry Christmas."

A Blacklight Christmas

Every year my work hosts a Christmas party, this year however due to two separate groups of physicians, there will be two parties. On Saturday night we went to the first one. It was certainly a lot of fun, but Father Christmas was nowhere to be found. In fact there was nary a Christmas carol, but there was a grown man dressed in poodle skirt! The blacklight and DJ provided lots of entertainment. And as you can tell by the pictures, even if it wasn't quite a winter wonderland, it still was quite fun....and the free alcohol was splendid!

The 3rd Annual National Lampoon's Christmas Party

For the past three years we have been invited to our friend Tracy's house for a Christmas party. The theme each year is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. And each year, we try to come up with the best costume. In fact, as soon as the party is over, I start planning our costumes for the next year. This year we didn't exactly go with the National Lampoon theme, instead we went as the characters from the movie ELF. Chris was Buddy and I was Jovie. Not many men would wear tights, but my husband is secure enough in his manhood that he was not at all fazed as he slid the yellow tights up his hairy legs. The night was so much fun, even though we didn't win best costume. Not to worry though, next year we will dominate!

Buddy and Jovie

The Hostess


Buddy with his Snow"buddy"

Lynne "all aglow"

Don't know who the guy with the bow is

Nick as Little Orphan Annie at Christmas

The Snowmen in Love

Baylor Proud

Baylor Bear

After Baylor died, we were devastated. There were very few things, during that period of grieving, that lifted us up. Or made us smile. It was a very dark time, yet I believe that during the darkest times of our lives God somehow finds a way to shine light down upon us. And for us, it happened to be in the form of a basketball team. Baylor was named after the mascot of Baylor University in Waco,Texas. For those of you that follow this blog, you will remember that the men's basketball team made it all the way to the NIT championship game in Madison Square Gardens last year. It had been over fifty years since the Bears had won a post season game, much less an invitation for the championship. Every win that the Bears had, just happened to coincide with an anniversary of our Bear. And so we quickly became hooked on cheering the team to victory. And slowly the smiles returned to our faces and our grief began to lessen.

For so long, I had wanted to write a letter to the basketball coach and let him know how his team helped me through a very hard time. How their enthusiasm and pride helped restore my faith. But I just never got around to it. Then we lost the baby. And I had a lot of time on my hands and a lot of grief in my heart. So I sat down and wrote the letter, never expecting to hear back. Today though, a package was delivered to the house. The return address was Baylor University. Enclosed was a letter addressed to me from Scott Drew, the men's basketball head coach, as well as two tee shirts. After I calmed down from screaming and jumping up and down, I read the letter. It was beautiful. He simply stated how sorry he was for our losses and that they are now in a much better place. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that I would have gotten a response. I stand in awe of the kindness of people and am now, more than ever a Baylor Bear fan. And so once again....Bless the Bear.