So last night, Chris and I put Baylor to sleep. It was time. She could no longer walk up or down the stairs. She didn't want to eat. And she didn't want to be touched anymore. If I went to pet her beautiful black mane, she would yelp in pain. All weekend she began to deteriorate. All weekend long, we prayed. And truly I could not watch her suffer one minute longer. She never asked for surgery to extend her life, that was our request, and valiantly she rose to the challenge. Monday night I couldn't sleep, and every time I opened my eyes, I looked right into her beautiful clear and wise brown eyes. She was ready. She was tired. And so we made the decision to put her to sleep. And there may be many hardships that await me in my life, but never will I be faced with the agony of saying goodbye to my best friend. Baylor was more than a dog, you see, she was my best friend. She was my confidante and my guardian. She would walk into a burning building to save my life. She saved me from myself. And yes, I needed saving. Baylor taught me compassion, patience, humility, fragility, spontaneity, and love. If I can accomplish half of what she was able to do in her twelve years, I will live a worthy and decent life. We were with her when she passed, and I told her "wait for me, wait for us..." And honestly I believe that she is up in heaven, with no pain and running free. You see, Baylor held on until I was ready to say goodbye. To let go. For after she passed, the vet called Chris into the room and since Baylor had finally relaxed he was able to feel her belly, the tumor was larger than a watermelon and occupied her entire abdomen. Can you even imagine the pain? Can you imagine the selflessness of that animal to hold on for her mommy? After she passed, I struggled with whether or not I would see her again. When I went to heaven, would her kind beautiful eyes be there to greet me? I needed to know. I needed to know that my beautiful Baylor Bear would be waiting for me. And so this morning when we got up, our neighbor Earl had slipped a note under our door. "The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. The cow and the bear shall graze, their you shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. The nursing child shall put its hand on the adder's den. They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain; for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. (Isaiah 11:6-9) So now I know that when I die, my beautiful Bear will be waiting for me. These past couple of days have been hard, but this I know to be true. I am loved by many. By my parents, my sister, my friends, my coworkers, and certainly my husband. Maybe that was Baylor's last gift, to make me realize the power of love. Which is no more evident than in the eyes of my husband. Chris, you are truly the love of my life, and the love that you have given me over the past two days will sustain me for a lifetime. You are a good man, and I am blessed to be called your wife. So as I sign off tonight, with tears streaming down my face, remember your blessings, whether
large or small. And as always, Bless the Bear....
I told the girls last night that Baylor had died and that Wewe is very sad. Gracie asked "why" and I told them, just as you said that Baylor was your best friend and you would really miss her. She replied to me, "but Wewe has Chris now". I honestly believe that Baylor got you through some really tough times and loved you unconditionally, but she knew it was her time to go and that you are safe now and Chris will be there right beside you. She will always be with you and she has made you the person that you are.. strong, fun loving, and ready to take whatever life gives you. We are so sorry for both of you. We love you guys!!!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the reason I'm so behind on blogging is because my life is boring right now and that's a good thing!!!!
ReplyDeleteWendy -
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry...it's really hard losing such a close companion. You're in my prayers.
Anne Gibbs
I think the connection between someone and their dog is very special and deep. You don't think of them as a pet, but as a friend and a member of the family with real feelings. Baylor was so lucky to have you as her mommy. You know we always joked about what great lives are dogs have, but it's true. Baylor had such a great life, and you gave that to her. Always remember that.
ReplyDeleteOh Wendy, I am so so sorry. We'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteWendy, I am so sorry for your loss. Baylor was so loved and WILL be missed. I understand the pain you are going through. Baylor was like a child to you and Chris, I get that because I've been there. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. You and Chris are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteYou WILL get through this. :-)
Wendy,
ReplyDeleteWhat a courageous, loving, sensitive person you are as we listen to your heart in your message about putting Baylor to sleep. She was such a wonderful, kind dog and we were so blessed to have her with us last summer and over Christmas. Our lives have definitely been enriched because of her sweet, gentle personality. You and Chris will be missing her presence for some time, but God has a way of healing that pain! What a hope and encouragement the Isaiah passage is from your neighbor! We too believe that we will certainly see our pets that have gone on before us again in heaven. Hang on to that hope! Know that we are praying for you and Chris - for God's peace and comfort. We love you very much!
God bless,
Susan and Glenn
A message from Baylor:
ReplyDeleteA dog's small world is full of dreams,
Of full food bowls and scents unseen,
Of open fields and cosy chair,
And, most of all, you standing there.
And when the end was drawing near
And you were trying to stem your tears,
I licked your hand with happy sigh,
Content that you are standing by.
And when I reached Heaven's Gate,
The Lord says, "Come." But I said, "Wait.
"I have some friends I love so dear
And I can feel their footsteps near."
Now your lifetime's passed. You're near God's throne.
One happy glance. You're not alone.
It's me your pet, so patient waits,
To pass with you through Heaven's Gates.
Dear Mom and Dad:
I want you to know that Heaven is just wonderful.
That God has so many pets up here,
either with their masters, or, some are like me,
waiting for their's to come to Heaven.
Thank You for your kindness, loving, and caring while I was on Earth, and your tears when you let me go.
You made me feel loved.
I know that it may be a while before I see you,
but God knows this and is so compassionate in the mean time.
Please know that I have no more pain.
Just fond memories and a desire to see you again.
I'll continue to be patient knowing that
eternity will be wonderful at your side.
Gotta go. God wants to play catch.
Love to you both,
Baylor
Dear Wendy,
ReplyDeleteAs I was looking at all the new things you had posted I reread your notes about Baylor. You're right, Baylor did save you from yourself. She was always there for you no matter what. When you cried, she cried. All she needed from you was to be with you. She didn't need to be doing anything, just your presence. How did she learn to be like that? From you Wendyl, from you. She may have saved you and taught you many, many emotions, but you also saved her; from a life of who knows what. Her love to you was her way of giving back to you. She only wanted to make you happy, and that she did. You and Baylor went through so so many situations together, both good and bad. No matter what they were, she was steadfast in her love and commitment to you. No one and I mean no one would ever be able to hurt you because she was there. She protected you not only physically but emotionally. What a gift. Isn't it amazing that God knows just what we need and will need and had Baylor there at just the right time. I know Dad feels the same way about Dallas but doesn't know how to express them. Maybe I can get him to read what you wrote about Baylor and let him release some of the very same emotions.
On a lighter side, I truly didn't know if Baylor was going to make it here. Dad couldn't stand her for all the terrible things she did. Ripping up the carpeting because it could not be cleaned any more, chewing the pedestal off my dining room table that was so bad it couldn't be repaired, lying in the alley so no one could get by and one of us would have to get her and drag her into the yard. Didn't everyone know that the alley was her territory? I really wasn't sure if our marriage was going to make it. Dad and I argued more about Baylor than anything we ever argued about. He wanted to get rid of her and I said we were going to keep her; after all it WAS his birthday gift from his little girl. How could he return it? The passing of time showed everyone just how special Baylor was. How enriched our lives have become because of her. BUT, Gracie said it beautifully. Baylor knew that it was time for her to go. She knew when she wasn't there, God gave you Chris to watch over you. She lived long enough to make sure Chris could do the job. After she found that out, all she needed was a "good-bye" from you, her very best friend, and savior. How blessed you are to have learned so many beautiful lessons from her. By remembering the lessons she taught you, you will be paying tribute to her and honoring her memory. There will never be another Bear and you wouldn't want there to be one. We have all learned somthing from her and we will continue to "Bless the Bear"
Love,
Mom