Today

Today I have been watching the television, unable to process the horrors of the school shooting in Connecticut. It is something so large, so heinous, so sorrowful that my mind literally cannot process all the grief that that community is enduring. Especially the parents of the children that died. I cannot begin to imagine their shock, their disbelief, their anger, their sorrow. I cannot imagine what it would be like to get that call. Frantic. Pleading with God, begging Him to spare your child. Your baby. Making rash promises.....to never gossip again, to eat more healthy, to have more patience with others...if only you could hold your child once again in your arms. And then to arrive and realize your prayers were not answered. Your arms are empty. Your heart is not broken, but has rather stopped. During tragedy, people turn to their faith. But what if your faith is destroyed? What if everything you ever believed in died with the last breath your child took?  I don't know. I am so grateful that I am not in that position. I am so grateful I could cry. Yet I know that these babies that I love are not mine. They are His. He gave them to me. For my joy. This unbelievable insurmountable joy. The greatest joy of my life.  What if tomorrow never came with them? What then? I don't know. I hope to never know. I hope that my sons outlive me, that's how it should be. But would I trust Him still? If my arms were empty? I hope so. For the joy I've had the past two years has been greater than any thing I could have imagined. And I would have rather held them briefly than never at all.
May God bless those that have died and embrace those that have survived.
And may violence be something that our children only read about as they sit safely in their schools.