Blue

It's official, in a family surrounded by women and beautiful little girls, I am having two boys! To say that I was shocked was a gross understatement. Two boys. What in the world are we going to do with two little boys? What about pink hairbows and tutus? Barbies and dolls? I know nothing about dump trucks and matchbox cars. Does this mean that I will have to become acquainted with all the football teams and their corresponding statistics? Who will go shopping with me? And get pedicures with me? Yet even as the ultrasound tech told us the news, I was overwhelmed with awe. With gratitude. With a future that is going to loud and rowdy. Ultimately I didn't care what we were having, I simply wanted my arms and heart to be full. And I am excited, I am grateful for these gifts. I close my eyes and can see my family. All four of us....and I know that we are blessed. So here it goes, blue X 2!
Again....please keep us all in your prayers. And have a blessed week.

Suprise

A little announcement.....well, two little announcements. This March we will be adding two little people to our family. We are expecting twins! The elation that we feel is tempered only by the fear that we hold in our hearts. We have been down this road before....and it didn't end the way we had hoped for. We found ourselves adrift in a black hole of despair. It was a road that I never wanted to travel down again. Yet in the back of our minds, in the recesses of our hearts, we still hoped for a family. When we found out that we were pregnant with twins, I immediately began crying. Doubts began to overwhelm me. What if? I couldn't lose another baby. Emotionally, I could not overcome the sadness that almost swallowed me whole. I looked up at Chris, barely able to catch my breath and saw his bright shining eyes. Never wavering from mine, so full of pride and love. And then I felt the doctor's hand cover mine. And he simply said, "Sometimes, God gives them back."

As we begin this journey, and it will be a rough one, please keep us in your prayers. All 4 of us.

Gracie's 7th Birthday

Gracie turned seven on August 26. She couldn't have been more excited. She asked my sister to decorate the whole house with Gracie things. So when you walked into their house, Grace was everywhere. Pictures of her, ribbons from swimming, artwork from school.....the list went on and on. But it was well worth it....she never stopped smiling.

2nd Anniversary

Yesterday was our anniversary. Two years. Only two years? How is that possible? It feels as if together we have lived through a century of despair. Of tragedy and hopelessness. Of tears and sleepless nights. Of anger and injustice. Of hurt and betrayal. This was not what I had imagined as I stood before God and my family and friends and pledged my love. Gave my life to him forever. For I imagined a life of grace. I imagined a road well paved, full of promise and illuminated by our faith. Ha. And now I can't even find a path to travel. I've lost the naivety and innocence of the bride that I aspired to be. That I believed that I would be. I look back at those pictures of me, of us on our wedding day. Who were those people? Those young and ignorant fools? So full of hope and so void of tragedy. I can stare at those people for hours. Their youth and beauty. Mesmerized by their hopeful faces. I can't turn away. I feel as if I am looking at strangers. Because that girl, the one with the blue eyes, she is no more. She is not the face that stares back at me every day.
Yet as I sat in front of my husband, at a crowded diner, over a dinner of grilled cheese and day old turkey, I couldn't turn away from him. This man who has loved me to the depths of my soul. This man who has walked through the darkness with me, guiding me back toward the light. Where he was waiting. Always waiting. Never in my life could I imagine a love so profound, so consuming, so forgiving. So complete. For this man loved me when I had no love for myself. His love never faltered.
To be loved so completely. So fervently. I am in awe of him. How was I chosen to be loved by him? And so as we toasted with our watered down pop, I realized that I have been blessed. Because I have been and continue to be loved by him.

A Day at the Lake

Claire....enjoying the lake.

Aruba Again! at OneTrueMedia.com

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Oops....I messed up the order of posts. Check out the one below. It's saying goodbye to our condo!

Saying Goodbye

our last night in the condo

There is a saying, that the only thing that is constant is change. At this point in our lives, change abounds. Chris and I sold our condo, after nine long months on the market. At first, we were ecstatic, but then as the closing date approached I became very nostalgic. Very sad. How can you put five years of your life into boxes? How can five years of memories be contained with a simple signature and exchange of keys? So much happened at our first home. We fell in love, we got engaged and married. We loved our dog. We lost our daughter. What happens to those memories? I guess I pack them up and carry them with me, in my heart. Our condo was a perfect place for us. We customized everything. From the cabinets to the flooring. The condo echoed us and our love. Saying goodbye has been hard, harder than I ever imagined. What next? What new phase of our life awaits us? The condo was ours. Our haven. A place that we had created and called "home" in the truest sense of the word. And now we have no place to call ours. We are blessed, certainly to be able to live with my parents until we find a home. They are gracious and give us our space. But even in the best of times....sleeping down the hall from your parents, as a married couple is not ideal. So we wait and we look for our next home. A home that will have hallways that collect our tears and echo of our laughter.

signing the "sold" documents