Claire

On January 29, 2010 my fourth niece was born. Claire McMillon Garner arrived four weeks early and weighed only 5lbs 1oz. She was 17 inches long... and she was healthy. So many people have asked my sister, "Will you try again for a boy?" My sister and I both stare at their ignorance. Appalled at their audacity and rudeness. Is a healthy girl not enough? How can you hold a healthy child in your arms, boy or girl, and not acknowledge the blessing that has been granted? Jenni and I were only 3 weeks apart in our due dates. Today, I would have been 33 weeks pregnant. As my sister's due was approaching, part of me became very jealous. I could feel myself withdrawing and my heart filled with sorrow for what my own arms wouldn't hold. And yet, the most amazing thing happened. A miracle really. When I walked into the hospital room and saw her, there was no bitterness in my heart. I picked her up and acknowledged her for the perfect blessing that she is. The birth of a baby is God's way of starting things over. Of new beginnings. As I held Claire, I couldn't begin to imagine a better beginning for a new year. Happy Birthday Claire.

Another Village Christmas

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Snow

A Snowy Bear

We were in Florida over the holidays and so I really missed the cold weather. The novelty of a "White Christmas" has always enchanted me. However I'm quickly reminded, that you must be careful of what you wish for. Not only is it freezing, but it's messy. Untainted snow is beautiful, but slush is gross. And inconvenient. And dangerous. This is the first snow this year, and this is the first snow without Baylor. She loved the snow. Some of my favorite memories of her involve the snow. She would frolic around as if she were a caged lion, finally released once in the snow. She would dig for sticks and bones, coming up for air with powder on her nose. Looking both beautiful and ridiculous at the same time. I wish that she could be here, for just one more snowball fight. But I know that is an impossible feat, and so far now, I'll just toss a snowball up to the heavens, and know in my heart, that she will catch it.

Flanagan (my parents' dog)

Happy New Year

May God grant us and all we know a blessed 2010!

Christmas

I can't believe that it is Christmas once again. It seems like only last week that we were celebrating Christmas down in Florida. And yet, in the span of only one single year, so much has changed in our lives. This certainly isn't what I had planned for or hoped for. This is the first Christmas in my adult life that I will not have my Baylor beside me. She loved Christmas. Certainly those of you that don't have animals may scoff at the notion that a dog loved the festivities of this holiday, but then again, you didn't know my dog. I bought her holiday collars and hats, holiday leashes and bones. She never left the house unadorned. I took her to see Santa every single year, much to the dismay of Santa. And yet it is not simply those times wrapped in celebration that I miss so much, it is the fact that she is not beside me when I lay my head down at night. It is her companionship and loyalty that I continue to long for. And of course, this Christmas, I thought that I would barely be able to open presents, for my belly would get in the way. I was supposed to be over seven months pregnant. I was supposed to be able to feel her kicking me, warming me up from the inside. I was supposed to have packages to open intended for her impeding arrival. I was supposed to kiss my husband under the mistletoe with his hand over my belly, dreaming of all that our future held with the promise of a little girl. So certainly this Christmas is not what we had hoped for. There are times when I find it difficult to be happy for others, or celebrating the spirit of the season. For where is my spirit? At times I think it died along with my baby. But I continue to get up and out of bed. I continue to go through the motions of the day, knowing that one day, my heart will heal.
Yesterday was a very hard day. We celebrated Christmas with my family. I was dreading the entire day. So hesitant to go and celebrate and participate in the festivities when my heart was so dark. Yet as soon as I walked in I felt almost enveloped in a circle of love. So many people coming up to me, hugging me, listening to me, praying for me. And I realized that even though there are times that I think that I am alone, I am not. And just when I think that everybody has forgotten her, they have not. You see, I received two ornaments this year. Both were angels, in memory of ours. And though she is not here with us, the fact that she is not forgotten, made me smile and be able to say, "Merry Christmas."

A Blacklight Christmas

Every year my work hosts a Christmas party, this year however due to two separate groups of physicians, there will be two parties. On Saturday night we went to the first one. It was certainly a lot of fun, but Father Christmas was nowhere to be found. In fact there was nary a Christmas carol, but there was a grown man dressed in poodle skirt! The blacklight and DJ provided lots of entertainment. And as you can tell by the pictures, even if it wasn't quite a winter wonderland, it still was quite fun....and the free alcohol was splendid!

The 3rd Annual National Lampoon's Christmas Party

For the past three years we have been invited to our friend Tracy's house for a Christmas party. The theme each year is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. And each year, we try to come up with the best costume. In fact, as soon as the party is over, I start planning our costumes for the next year. This year we didn't exactly go with the National Lampoon theme, instead we went as the characters from the movie ELF. Chris was Buddy and I was Jovie. Not many men would wear tights, but my husband is secure enough in his manhood that he was not at all fazed as he slid the yellow tights up his hairy legs. The night was so much fun, even though we didn't win best costume. Not to worry though, next year we will dominate!

Buddy and Jovie

The Hostess


Buddy with his Snow"buddy"

Lynne "all aglow"

Don't know who the guy with the bow is

Nick as Little Orphan Annie at Christmas

The Snowmen in Love