Grief

The past two weeks have been very hard, trying both our marriage and our faith. Never would I have imagined that this would have been our life. That so much rain would fall. That it would seem like the sun would never shine again. And so here I am...stuck somewhere between horrible grief and the desire to hope. And life goes on. For everybody else. There are moments of absolute loneliness, when I feel as if nobody truly understands what I am going through. Both our family and friends have been wonderful, yet I feel as if they just want us to move past this. To persevere. Every day I try so hard to smile, to laugh, to pretend that things are moving along just beautifully. Because I feel that's what they want. They want my grief to end and my life to return to normal. As if there was never a skipped beat. Because for them, life is normal. There are weekend plans and holiday shopping ahead. So much to do. And certainly I want to participate, to be included, but I need them to understand that my grief is real. And enduring. My grief is not going to go away in a week, or two, or even a month. And I need to be acknowledged in that fact. Because ignoring that grief, denies that she existed. I lost a baby. And with that, I lost dreams. There may be days in the future where my grief will overwhelm me. And there will be days where hope will be my guide and the tears will slowly dry. This is a journey that I had not planned on, but it is a journey that with the grace of God, will bring me to a place of peace that I had never imagined.

A Gift of Candy from my Nieces!