28 Weeks!

As I sit here typing this entry, I am overcome with awe and gratitude. I never thought that I would reach this milestone. When we first found out that we were pregnant, we just prayed that we would be able to maintain a pregnancy. Then we prayed for the pregnancy to last to viability. When I got my cerclage at twenty weeks, viability seemed distant even then. I remember crying in the doctor's office, pleading with him to get me to twenty four weeks. A feat that at the time, seemed impossible, unattainable. Yet here I am. Not only are the boys viable, they would thrive. There is a chance that if they were born today, they might not even need the ventilator. They would be considered little feeders and growers. They certainly would need to spend time in the NICU, but it would probably only be for ten to twelve weeks. At my last doctor's appointment, the boys looked great. In fact they were still measuring a week ahead of schedule. All this points to the fact that I will be able to hold two babies in the near future. That not only will my arms be full, my heart will be as well. I'm not going to say that bedrest doesn't suck. After fifty five days of being trapped in my bed, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Certainly there have been tears, and fits of anger, but now as the Christmas season approaches, I have to say that we have never been more blessed. I have yet to talk to these boys. To call them by name, to play music for them. To rub my belly and tell them how much I love them. I have been so afraid that they would die. That I would bond with them only to have my heart broken once again. And if I bonded, how much harder would that loss be? Today, for the first time, I found myself looking in the mirror at the miracle of all of this. Totally astounded, totally gratified at this gift. And today, for the first time, I called them by name. I told them I loved them. And in response, they kicked me back.